walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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