Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
