we have pet lesbian snakes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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