So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
