my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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