So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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