Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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