the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
