Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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