You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
