We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
