Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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