no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think i got beer on your cat.
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