having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
