So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
