I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
