We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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