A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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