For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
