the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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