I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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