The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
