careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
