Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
