apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
