Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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