i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
