Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just had sex bonerless
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
