I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
