I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wear drunk well.
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