Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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