1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
