The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
