she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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