that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The best revenge is premature balding
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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