Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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