Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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