I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
