just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
