we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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