You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
