Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
