I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
