My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
