Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did I show you my penis last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
