Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
