they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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