I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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