okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
