I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
