So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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