I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
