My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
