dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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