you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
