I didn't shave. On purpose
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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