Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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