I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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