she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
