is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
