Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
