If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
