its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize