Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
