So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
