ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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